So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
