Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
