Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
