yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
