i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
