somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
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why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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