did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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