If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
