Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
