It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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