what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
