I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
