I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
