remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
