fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
