You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You ate ashes out of my bong
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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