I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
