I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
