her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
