I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
