absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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