I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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