I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
