My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
