i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
