I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
