i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
