problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
