I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
