I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
