She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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