You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
