Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
