I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
