I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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