I puked a lego.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
