what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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