i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
