shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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