smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
