You smell like stripper and shame
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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