Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
