Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
