Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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