It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
