plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize