if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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