Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
