is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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