so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
