I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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