you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
