There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
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I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
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Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company