I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him