You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
What's dad's email?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem