It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
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I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
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He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..