Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Two words: nipple clamps
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