i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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