is wine microwaveable?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
