after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
