fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
