she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
