No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
