My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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